Apple’s Space Mining Program Begins Operations on Asteroid Belt

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA - Earth’s supply of sapphire rock has been depleting ever since Apple cornered the market and mined the mineral for use as scratch-resistant screen displays for its high-end products. Complaints from customers about scratched screens have dwindled down to a trickle and ratings have skyrocketed to record highs with the Launch of iPhone 15-S. However, a negative trend line suggests that Apple will run out of sapphire rock in 10-15 years even after purchasing the Sapphire Mountain range in southwestern Montana. While customers are quite satisfied with the new product, global supplies of the blue-tinted stone have forced Apple to look elsewhere for raw materials.

Apple’s Silicon Space mining division has located 3-4 passerby asteroids that contain robust amounts of sapphire. Yet, Apple still thinks it can do even better. The king of differentiation has also spotted and purchased the rights to a juggernaut asteroid, dubbed A35-12B4, which holds 4 times more diamond than all of Earth – and it’s all located within a 17 mile radius near the asteroid’s surface. The asteroid was discovered by NASA in 2031, however Apple said that it originally invented the asteroid location technology and won a lawsuit against the Space Association after just 6 months of litigation. NASA scientists have been studying the asteroid for years trying to unlock the mystery of how it could contain so much diamond. Nevertheless Apple has replaced the scientific team with its own Geniuses and intends to begin mining in Q1 of next year. Sources say the company has the option of mining on several more asteroids. Rumors are also swirling that Apple could open a new office on A35-12B4, which would be an architectural wonder, but the company has kept this tightly under wraps.

Diamond screens will essentially make iPhones almost scratch proof. They could only be scratched by another iPhone screen. Downloads of the top selling app Refraction, an application that uses the iPhone’s built-in density sensor to calculate surface density, detect screen defects and manage your density preferences and settings, have tripled on the iTunes store over the past 30 days.

Jimmy Kimmel took to the streets with the old sapphire phones convincing people they were really the new diamond versions. Most people noticed that the “new” iPhone screens seemed stronger and gave off more light.